In order to achieve what we want, we need to go through a process that contains several stages.
Phase 1: What do we really want? – specifying the desire
The first phase is defining the desire, that is, recognizing and clearly naming what we want. Desires are about how we want to feel. For example, people want to feel safe, loved, accepted, and appreciated, they want to have sex, to have a positive image of themselves … So, discover and name what it is that you really want. Always focus on one wish at a time. Sometimes it is clear to the person what he wants, and sometimes it is necessary for the person to clearly define his wishes.
Phase 2: Goal setting
The second phase is determining the goal based on the desire you have defined. A goal is a means to make your wish come true. The goal is what will satisfy a person’s desire. For example, if I want to be loved and accepted, the goal may be to find a partner (girlfriend, boyfriend).
At this stage it is very important to evaluate:
Is your goal realistic – achievable in the foreseeable future and in the given context?
Is the goal socially acceptable, does it not harm others, and does it put you at risk of punishment?
Is the goal simple or complex, that is, does it require division into several stages, where each implies the realization of one sub-goal at a time?
Have you defined the goal specifically and precisely enough?
Have you formulated a goal in a positive direction, that is, have you defined what it is that you want to achieve, instead of what it is that you want to avoid?
Phase 3: Creating a plan
The third phase is formulating plans. The plans represent concrete actions that will lead to a defined goal.
To define a plan, ask yourself:
What is all I need to do to achieve this goal?
What concrete steps should I take to achieve this goal?
Do I need to change anything in my behavior and approach so far?
What is new that I need to do that I have not done so far to achieve this goal?
Phase4: Defining resources
The fourth phase involves defining resources. Resources are all you need to accomplish a plan that leads to a goal.
Do I lack some skills, information, and resources to achieve this goal?
What is it that I miss and how to provide it?
Do I have enough motivation and if I don’t have how to create it?
Phase 5: Implementation in practice
The fifth phase is the implementation – the implementation of defined plans in practice. Your proximity to the goal is directly proportional to the amount of action you take to realize your plans. The biggest enemies at this stage can be procrastination and avoidance.
Phase 6: Feedback
The sixth phase is feedback. Feedback refers to the results you achieve by implementing your plan. The results may be such that you are approaching or moving away from the goal. In both cases, you have useful information that tells you whether to change something or just continue with the implementation of plans.
If you need to change something, find out if you have defined your goal well or if there is a problem in defining the plans and/or their implementation. Keep in mind that the same desire can be translated into different goals, and often the same goal can be achieved in several alternative ways.
It is recommended that when you go through each of the phases, put everything you have defined on paper. Why is it important?
Because putting something on paper, you have two benefits:
You refine your thoughts, externalize them and thus make them clearer and more amenable to more objective evaluation and eventual correction.
You commit to staying committed and persistent until you reach the goal and in that way you strengthen your motivation.
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