Fear of rejection

Fear of rejection

What is the fear of rejection? (Fear of rejection)

Fear of rejection from other people is mostly reduced to fear of oneself. It is basically the idea of oneself as an inferior being (self-loathing and inferiority). The person believes that he could do something inadequate, to which others will only react with ridicule and rejection.

Fear of rejection and feelings of hurt and anger appears as a consequence of rejection by the person whose affection we want, and at their core, they have an excessive need for love. The desire for love, transformed into an imperative and the requirement that we must have love and that we cannot be happy without it, costs us unhealthy emotions, such as jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, feelings of rejection and inferiority, and hurt…

Very often people ask themselves “how to overcome the fear of rejection”, “how to overcome the fear of rejection”, and “how to get rid of the fear of rejection”. And that is actually great because it means that we are aware of the problem we have and before I give you the answers and some tools, it is necessary to educate ourselves a little about this fear and how much it can disrupt our quality of life and hinder us in it.

In a way, we all have a fear of rejection, because the need to be accepted is one of the five basic human needs. You’ve probably heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?!

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Unfortunately, most people have experienced some rejection and rejection in life, and sometimes that rejection can leave lasting consequences on a person and affect their self-confidence and develop rejection complexes and fears of rejection. Although no one enjoys rejection, some people are more susceptible to social rejection than others. Individuals who have a high sensitivity to rejection are so scared and repulsive to rejection that it affects their daily lives.

People who have a fear of rejection are constantly looking for signs that they will soon be rejected.

They tend to react dramatically to any hint that someone does not want to be with them. This fear, if not overcome, can turn into an anxiety disorder, because the person is in constant anxiety and cannot relax, and the feeling of stress is constantly present. In trying to cope with this discomfort, they are also at greater risk of aggression, social isolation, depression, and self-harm.

Rejection complex – rejection complex develops mainly in childhood and adolescence

With the fear of separation, the child is afraid that in some cases he will be separated from his parents (that he will get lost, that the parent will die…), and with the fear of rejection, the child is afraid that his parents will leave him because he does not they love, or because they prefer another child, or because the child is naughty. While children’s fears of separation and rejection are initially associated with parents, later fears of separation may be retained in relationships with emotionally close people, and fears of rejection may be retained in relationships with distant representatives of human society (strangers or non-relatives, peers, authority…).

Sensitivity to rejection is not caused by a single factor. Instead, there may be many factors at play. Some possible causes include childhood experiences such as critical parenting and bullying, along with biological factors and genetics. Here’s a closer look at the factors that can lead to rejection sensitivity.

Fear of rejection

A complex of rejection – causes

Childhood experiences

Early experiences of rejection, neglect and abuse can contribute to susceptibility to rejection.

For example, exposure to physical or emotional rejection by a parent may increase the likelihood that someone will develop a sensitivity to rejection. However, rejection does not always have to be direct in order to have an impact.

Growing up with a parent who is emotionally unavailable or very critical can also cause someone to develop a strong fear of rejection in other relationships.

Rejection-sensitive children also have a greater tendency to behave aggressively. According to a study published in “Child Development”, children who were very sensitive to rejection in most cases angrily expected rejection and showed increased stress after ambiguous social interaction with peers.

Likewise, children who have been abused or expelled by their peers are also prone to complex and fear of rejection. Any kind of previous exposure to painful rejection can lead to someone trying to avoid re-experiencing that pain.

Many of us have a fear of rejection and avoid rejection in every way. Being rejected and feeling rejected is one of the most painful experiences that most people go through at some point in their lives. That is why we feel unsuccessful, condemned, and not accepted by the people we care about.

Avoiding rejection, however, comes at a high price. It can limit you from achieving goals in many areas of life. It is the fear of rejection by the surrounding people. You may be afraid that people will not accept your appearance, behavior, the way you speak, or even your presence.

Fear of rejection

Teenagers – adolescents and fear of rejection

Susceptibility to rejection can begin as early as adolescence. Girls, teenagers, and adolescents who have a high fear of rejection may behave in a way that puts them at greater risk of victimization, according to a study published in Children Maltreatment.

Researchers have found that girls who are sensitive to rejection are more likely to go to extremes to maintain a relationship when they feel insecure in a relationship.

Even when the girls knew that they could have negative consequences for their actions, they still adjusted their behavior in an effort to preserve the relationship. They also showed a greater tendency to engage in relationships that involved physical aggression or verbal abuse during the conflict – and tolerated unhealthy behavior in an attempt to stay together.

Thirteen signs that the fear of rejection controls your life:

You are afraid to share your opinion for fear of being condemned and rejected.

You are afraid that you will stand out and be different, so you try to fit in.

You lack self-confidence and you can’t say no.

You please people: you gain your self-esteem by being socially likable.

You are extremely self-aware and aware of what people think of you.

You do not feel equal to others.

You want to be like someone else instead of your own.

You say and do things to be accepted, even if you don’t agree with them.

You have a weak sense of your own/personal identity.

You are afraid to open up to others for fear of being condemned.

You keep a lot of things to yourself and you feel socially isolated.

You have low self-esteem.

You often struggle with self-loathing and critical thoughts. Fear of rejection

Some common bad strategies for dealing with a fear of rejection are:

Excessive tuning, gratification

It may be impossible for you to say no, even if it makes your life difficult. Maybe you spend a lot of time doing things you don’t really want to do. You may have an excessive workload or a load that can lead to combustion.

Non-assertiveness

Difficulty or refusal to speak for yourself, or to ask for what you want or need. Avoiding confrontation is common for people who are afraid of rejection. Those who are afraid of rejection pretend that their special needs are irrelevant, so they try to exclude those needs.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

There is a feeling of disharmony with his “real” self, but he still needs to express his needs in some way. Behavior includes chronic complaining, breaking or “forgetting” promises, procrastination, non-fulfillment, or effectively completing work.

Be inauthentic

Many of those who are afraid of rejection are afraid to present their “right” to the world. They assume that the way they behave or stay close to others is inauthentic. Often very trained, those who have this fear hide behind a mask, believing that they will be rejected if they show their “true” self.

Fear of rejection

Distancing/self-sufficiency

One of the ways we protect ourselves from fear is to maintain emotional distance from others. A distant person holds a mask of seclusion and invulnerability, which prevents others from making close contact with them. This is done to avoid the possibility of rejection at the cost of avoiding intimacy. The lie they live with is: “I don’t need or want anyone.”

They essentially feel unworthy of love and respond to that belief with lonely self-sufficiency. They make a virtue out of being stoically “independent” or self-dependent. Such people think that they should not even reach out because there really is no one there. In order to confirm this belief, they reject (minimize or devalue) the expressed, offered, or offered interest, concern, and affection.

How can the fear of rejection affect your life?

Career:

In business relationships. Instead of negotiating with a large client who is willing to pay more for your services, you have reduced the fee and earned less than you deserve. Instead of backing up your request for a salary increase with performance data and asking to speak to management, you have decided to leave it to their discretion. So you didn’t get the right bonuses and increases.

Relations:

The fear of a person who is sensitive to rejection leads them to fight to establish new relationships and undermine their existing relationships. They often misinterpret events and reactions, because they are careful not to be rejected.

In love and relationships, you don’t talk when your spouse tells you to do things against your will. As a result, your emotional needs are not met and you can eventually get away with it.

Fear of rejection

Such behaviors can also lead to irrational jealousy because the individual is afraid that he will be abandoned or rejected. Someone who has a strong fear of rejection may constantly accuse their partner of cheating – which can help the other person end the relationship.

When someone expects rejection, it is difficult to feel safe in a relationship. Even if they are not currently rejected, they are always waiting for it, expecting it to happen at any moment.

In friendship, you choose to adjust your communication style and behavior in order to fit into a group of friends and be accepted. In time, you may feel betrayed because you are not living up to your values.

It happens that even a person who is sensitive to rejection can become angry and hostile whenever a friend does not answer their calls in time. In the end, it can lead to a friend withdrawing even more, which increases the feeling of rejection.

There are also cases where people who are afraid of rejection and rejection, can avoid all situations and relationships in which they could be rejected. Consequently, they may feel extremely isolated and lonely – which essentially leads to the realization of their greatest fears.

Confidence:

When people criticize the way you look or speak, you feel inadequate or unsuccessful. As a result, you may have low self-esteem.

You procrastinate with taking action toward your dreams because you are afraid that people might reject your ideas. You think it’s better to stay where you are because it’s “safer”.

Fear of rejection

How to overcome and overcome the fear of rejection?

Here are some ways in which you can overcome the fear of rejection.

Understanding rejection as a new possibility!

For every rejection you experience, there is a redirection to another opportunity that is unknown to you. Whether you are rejected by an employer or a person you like, at the same time a new door opens up that leads you to other opportunities. Remember! When one door closes, the other opens!

Talk to yourself like a dear friend!

Don’t fight when things don’t go the way you planned. Be kinder to yourself and brag as if you are cheering for a dear friend. Instead of letting negative self-talk prevail, use more sensitive, affirmative messages in conversations with yourself, such as: “I have what I need to go through this” or “I’m stronger than I think”!

Don’t let someone’s rejection define you!

Being rejected does not mean that you have failed. If one company rejects you, don’t think you’re incompetent. If one person rejects you, don’t think you are unloved.

Other people’s opinions and identities do not define you. The only person who can define you is yourself. An effective way to do this is to brag and increase your self-confidence every day.

It is impossible for everyone to love you and for everyone to like you!

You know those 100 people, 100 moods. It is not realistic and it is not possible that everyone loves you and it is not possible that everyone likes you. It’s just like that and that’s fine.

Fear of rejection

 

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