According to statistics, over 50% of people have a problem saying no! Some of the reasons are not to be rude if they say no. Then not to offend anyone, not to miss something, what will others think if they say no, that we are not good, that we will disappoint them and many others.
Don’t let anyone misunderstand me. I am a person who likes to help others, to socialize and to cooperate with people. But what I don’t like is that someone exploits me, humiliates me, makes me feel irrelevant and treats me like a commodity.
Many people tell you what you want to hear! I’m telling you what you need to hear – what works in your favor!
If you remember, in the previous texts I stated that two conditions need to be met for a change! First: Look the truth in the eye! It hurts, but you can’t lie to yourself – you won’t achieve anything good! The second condition is: self-awareness and start taking concrete actions!
To such people, it is necessary to say no and that is why I wrote this and other texts on this topic!
I will give you eleven reasons why is it good to say no!?
First: Saying no is not wrong – it is not offensive!
If in all the above examples, instead of not saying yes, we would be exposed to negative influences, which would lead to major problems for our health, that is, the entire psychosomatic state. That is why it is necessary to love ourselves and be in the first place!
Second: To make it easier for ourselves when we say no, we need to be honest – both with ourselves and with the person (s) we say no to! It is important that we do not feel guilty, guilty or that someone does not blackmail us emotionally.
Third: When you say no, don’t explain too much! That means not making excuses, not justifying yourself, telling some stories, etc. When you say no, it means no!
Of course, before you take such an attitude, you should analyze the situation from several angles and then express your opinion (in this case, No)!
Fourth: Openly say why not? You don’t have time, you don’t enjoy doing what they ask of you or some other reason!
Fifth: Before you say no, praise and thank them for what they offer or ask of you!
Example: thank you for inviting me to get involved in this business, but I am not able to accept it, because I started my project!
Sixth: If you can, postpone the answer!
It is best, when someone offers or asks you something, to stand for a while so that you can analyze the situation and see if it is a story for you or not?
Seventh: If you say no, it doesn’t mean they will stop loving you!
Every person has their limits, a minimum below which they should not go. People who don’t have that, life is hell for them and they don’t have respect for themselves, nor will other people respect them!
If it happens that when you say no to someone and they stop loving or respecting you, such people are not worth your attention and be grateful that it happened, because they were just waiting for the opportunity to show you their true opinion of you! According to such people, take your distance and do not allow them to endanger your personal space and peace. Remember: Anything that disturbs your personal peace and tranquility is expensive!
Eighth: If you don’t say no to unimportant things, you won’t be able to say yes to those important things!
This means that you will be overloaded with unimportant things and from them, you will not be able to do those important things on which your happiness and satisfaction depend! The point is to set priorities!
Ninth: A person who knows how to say is not a person of authority and integrity!
I have already stated in the previous steps that each of us should have our limits and we cannot allow everyone to approach us and ask us what he wants!
Tenth: A person who knows how to say no, values himself!
He who does not know how to say no, is exposed to the influence of negative people who have a harmful effect on him, by accumulating negative energy that he will pour out on those who have not thought, said or done anything bad to him, because they feel safe and think that it will do the least damage.
Eleventh: You can’t please everyone!
In this world, there is no person who can please everyone! That is a fact that should be important to us so that we know how to distinguish which ones are worth our attention and which ones are not!
Based on everything, it is concluded that it is crucial to know how to say no, because it depends on whether we will be successful and happy people!
Emotional vampires?
In this part, it will be clearer to you why it is necessary to say no ?! You will create an image of people who have no compassion and consideration for others and their needs. These are people who trample on others, humiliate and insult them and in the end, demand that the people who have endured all this, apologize for everything they have experienced from the types that will be discussed in the following text.
Vampires are constantly lurking, even now, as we talk about them. In the middle of the day, on the street, under the bluish neon light in your office, maybe even in the warmth of your home, they are there, disguised as ordinary people until their inner needs turn them into predatory beasts.
They do not suck your blood, but your emotional energy.
Not to be confused, we are not talking about everyday annoyances that swarm around you like bugs around a lamp on the terrace and which you can easily dispel with determined and shaky behavior and a clear statement of your views. These are the real kids of the night. They have the power not only to upset you but also to hypnotize you, to confuse your thoughts with false promises and to entangle you in their spells. Emotional vampires first seduce and attract you, and then squeeze you out.
In the beginning, emotional vampires work better than ordinary people. They are as bright, gifted and enchanting as the Romanian Count Dracula. You like them, they win your trust, you expect more from them than from other people. You expect more, you get less, and you rarely realize your mistake before they disappear into the night, leaving you exhausted with a sore neck, an empty wallet, and perhaps a broken heart. Even then you wonder – is it a mistake in them or in me?
It’s in them. In emotional vampires.
Do you know them? Have you ever felt their dark powers in your life?
Did you meet people who seemed perfect to you at first, only to later turn out to be impossible? Have you ever been blinded by a flash of seduction that goes on and off like a cheap neon sign? Did you listen to the promises whispered in the night and forgotten before dawn?
Have you ever been exhausted?
Emotional vampires don’t get up from coffins at midnight. They live on your street. They are neighbors who are cordial and kind in front of you, but gossip behind your back. Emotional vampires play a variety of sports with you. They are the main stars until something goes wrong for them. Then they start making scenes that even three year olds would be ashamed of. Emotional vampires lurk in your family as well. Remember your son-in-law, a genius who can’t stay at any job. And what about that calm, almost invisible aunt who takes care of everyone, until her strange and disabling illness makes you take care of her? Should we also mention those unbearable, loyal parents who always tell you to do whatever you want, and then expect you to do what they want?
You may also share a bed with a vampire, in which one moment he is a partner full of love, and the next, a cold stranger.
The five most common types of emotional vampires that give us a problem in everyday life are: asocial, histrionic, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive and paranoid.
Antisocial vampires
Antisocial vampires are addicted to excitement. We do not call them antisocial because they do not like parties, but because they do not pay attention to social rules. These vampires love parties. They also love sex, drugs, rock and roll and everything else that stimulates them. Boredom is feared like a hawthorn tree in the heart. All they want from life is a good time, a little action and instant gratification of all their desires.
Of all the vampires, the antisocial ones are the sexiest, the most exciting and the most fun with them. People accept them easily and quickly and just as easily and quickly allow these vampires to drive them crazy.
Apart from the current entertainment, they have nothing to offer. A big disappointment awaits you if you expect them to be reliable.
Example:
“What’s the matter, honey?” Asks vampire Adam.
Eliza gasped in wonder. “Adam, I can’t believe you’re asking me that. Do you think it’s okay to kiss other women in front of my eyes? ”
Adam put his arm around Eliza’s shoulder, but she threw back her arm.
“Honey,” says Adam, “it was at a party and I was drunk.
In any case, it was just a small, polite kiss. ”
“A small chaste kiss that lasted five minutes?”
“Love, you know it means nothing to me. You’re the only one I really love. Only. Trust me, baby. ”
If you think that only romantic dreamers are subject to their charms, then you have not seen them in a job interview or sales negotiations. The best protection against these vampires is to recognize them before they begin to conquer you with their charms. When you feel that they are aimed at you, hide your good heart and wallet until you properly examine them. What antisocial vampires have done in the past is the best way to predict what they will do in the future.
Histrionic vampires
Histrionic vampires live for attention and approval. Nice looks are their specialty. Everything else is trivial trifles. Histrionic types have what it takes to get into your life, but be careful. Histrionic means dramatic. All you see is a show, but it’s certainly not what you get.
Vampires cannot see their reflection in a mirror. Histrionic vampires don’t even see a mirror. They are experts at hiding even their own motivation from themselves. They believe that they never do anything unacceptable on their own – that, for example, they never make mistakes and never think badly of anyone. They are just nice people who want to help you. If you doubt it, it will cost you dearly. It’s amazing how much damage these people can do.
Example:
Vampire Leana calls her friend Melissa.
“I just talked to Pete and she thinks she’s not coming to our women’s weekend.”
“Why?”
“There are some problems with you. Maybe you should talk to her. ”
“What problems?”
“Ah, he says you’re a control maniac and go crazy if something isn’t your way.”
If you asked Leana why she tells one friend bad things about another, she would answer that she just wants to help them get along better. The most important thing to know about Leana and other histrionic vampires is that she is not lying, at least not to you. Histrionic types deceive themselves – deceiving others is just a side effect. Although Leana seems to enjoy provoking an argument, she sees herself as a kind, well-meaning person who is always accused of things that didn’t even occur to her. You will not be able to change the image she has of herself. If you accuse her of deliberately provoking a conflict, you will face a real drama, which will probably end with you turning out to be far more malicious than her.
Protect yourself by never saying anything to a histrionic vampire like Leana that you wouldn’t post on Facebook.
Forget about trying to persuade histrionic vampires to admit what their true motives are. Instead, take advantage of their acting skills by creating more innocuous roles for them.
Narcissistic vampires
Have you ever noticed that people with a big ego usually have little left? Narcissistic vampires want to live out their grandiose fantasies about being the smartest, most talented and most perfect people in the world. At the same time, they do not consider themselves as better than others as they do not think about other people at all.
Narcissistic types are true legends in their own eyes.
You certainly can’t expect them to live by the rules of ordinary mortals.
Example:
Vampire Louis Hunter III, the executive director, talks to his team.
“I don’t want to call it a diminution,” he said.
“It would rather be reduced to the right measure.” No one can deny that our operating costs are simply unacceptable in such market conditions. ”
He pauses to give the audience time to understand the meaning of his words.
“With a heavy heart, therefore, I am forced to announce that each of you will have to submit a budget that implies a twenty-five percent reduction in relation to the current costs.” We have virtually no other choice. In the spirit of teamwork, I think it’s fair to spread the cost adjustment evenly across all departments. ”
What the management team of the vampire Luis does not know is that earlier that day, Luis asked the board of directors for a raise for his efforts in running the company in, as he put it, “times that tempt the human soul.” Luis got that raise. Its increase will nullify about 10 percent of the cost reduction.
Narcissistic vampires are a difficult dilemma.
No matter what they say, narcissistic people rarely do anything that doesn’t benefit them. As long as they can connect your interests with their own, they will consider you almost as ingenious as themselves.
Narcissistic people always have to win. Do not compete with them unless you are able to beat them to the feet. Even then, be careful. Sometimes they rise from the grave to avenge themselves. It would be best to sneak up on them unnoticed by flattering their egos and learn how to give them the admiration they need without being forced to give in.
Obsessive – compulsive vampires
Obsessive-compulsive types depend on a sense of security, which they believe can be achieved by paying close attention to detail and complete control over everything and everyone. You know who they are: anal personalities who do not see the forest of an incredible number of superfluous, countless and unnecessary trees. What you may not know is that the purpose of all that attention paid to detail is actually to firmly restrain the antisocial vampire hiding somewhere deep within them.
Without obsessive-compulsive people, the hardest and most ungrateful jobs in this world would never be done, nothing would ever work properly and no one would ever write homework. For better or worse, obsessive-compulsive types are the only ones who make sure the rest of us don’t wander off the road. We may not always like them, but we need them.
In obsessive-compulsive people, the most important conflicts are internal. They do not enjoy hurting others, but they will hurt you if your behavior jeopardizes their sense of control. To obsessive – compulsive types of surprises – even pleasant ones – they act like splashing with icy holy water. They do not want to come into conflict with you, but they feel compelled to express their opinion.
Example:
“Look!” Kevin says when vampire Sarah enters the house. “After so many months, I’ve finally painted the living room!”
He waits for Sara’s reaction for a few moments, but she is persistently silent.
“So, what do you say?”
“It’s wonderful. Ali… “
“But what?”
“Well, you know, I thought we hadn’t agreed on the color yet.”
The second longest wait in the world is waiting for obsessive-compulsive people to make a decision. The longest wait of all is waiting for them to say a single word of praise.
Perfectionism, the desire to control everything and paying attention to detail – obsessive – compulsive vampires indulge in vices disguised as virtues. As a rule, they mix the process with the product, and the word of the law with its essence. The best protection from these vampires is to constantly look at the bigger picture and not get lost with them in the dark forest of obsessive details.
Paranoid vampires
In ordinary language, being paranoid means thinking that someone is persecuting you. On the surface, it is hard to imagine that there could be anything appealing in the mania of persecution. The attraction of paranoid people is not hidden in their fears, but in what lies behind them. Paranoia is actually a supernatural simplicity of thinking, which allows these vampires to see things that others do not see. Their goal is to find out the Truth and remove any uncertainty from their lives.
Paranoid people live by specific rules that they believe are carved in stone. They expect everyone else to live by those same rules as well. They are always looking for evidence of deviations from these rules and usually find them. You can consider them detectives of the vampire world. In their safety, you too will feel safe and secure – until you become a suspect.
Example:
Vampire Jamal enters the kitchen wiping his hands with a paper towel. “I just changed your oil and noticed that your tank is almost empty.”
Teresa shrugged. “So?”
“I poured gas on Saturday.”
“Well, what do I know? I drove all week. ”
Jamal throws away a paper towel. “You know,” he says, “that’s very unusual. I don’t remember you ever running out of fuel in a week. Your car consumes, as it were, eight liters? That would mean you’ve covered about seven hundred kilometers. ”
Teresa smiled and shrugged. “I guess I had a lot of work to do.”
Jamal looked Teresa straight in the eye. “Where did you go?”
The only thing paranoid people don’t see is their own behavior, which leads others to persecute them.
Paranoids see hidden meanings and mysterious truth beneath the surface of things. Most great moralists, visionaries, and theorists (like any good therapist) carry within them a grain of paranoia, otherwise they would simply take everything for granted. Unfortunately, paranoia makes no distinction between the theory of invisible physical forces and that of invisible aliens who want to conquer the world. The same urge that for centuries led to the discovery of great religious truths led to the burning of heretics at the stake.
If you hide anything, the paranoid will find out. Your only protection is a simple, unadorned truth. Say it only once and never agree to cross-examination. That’s easy to say, but hard to do!
If emotional vampires are children, what does it mean to be an adult?
In my opinion, maturity and mental health are the same. Both consist of three essential factors.
A sense of control
To be mentally healthy, we must believe that what we do has some impact on what happens to us. Even if the feeling of control is just an illusion, it usually leads to more purposeful behavior than believing that what we do cannot change anything.
Over time and thanks to deeper thinking, our choices get better and better and we begin to realize that we have better control over our destiny. That is the main gain of growing up.
Emotional vampires never grow up. All their lives, they saw themselves as victims of other people’s destinies and unpredictable actions. Events happen, and they just react to them. As a result, they do not have the opportunity to learn from their own mistakes and simply keep repeating them over and over again.
A sense of connection
Human beings are social beings. We can experience our full humanity only in the context of connecting with something greater than ourselves. Our relationships with others and our commitments give meaning to our lives.
Becoming an adult means learning to live by social rules, which are so much a part of our reality that most of us respect them even without thinking.
Other people are the same as me. Normal people increasingly understand their resemblance to others as they grow up. Empathy is an important feature of maturity.
Vampires simply do not understand this concept. For them, other people are there just to meet their needs.
What is fair – is fair. Social systems are based on reciprocity in everything from scratching our backs to telling each other the truth. Adults develop a sense of honest relationships and use it as a measure to assess their own behavior. Vampires don’t do that; their notion of honesty implies that they get what they want, when they want it.
What you receive corresponds to what you give. Adults understand that the more you give, the more you receive. Vampires just take it.
Other people have the right to reject me. Human relationships depend on a clear understanding of the psychological boundary between what is mine and what is yours. Robert Frost explained it nicely: “Good fences create good neighbors.”
Vampires have a hard time noticing these very important boundaries. They believe that they should immediately get everything they want, no matter how others feel about it.
Social beings trust each other, trusting that they will follow these essential rules, and emotional vampires betray that trust.
Their lack of connection to something wider than themselves is also the reason for the vampire’s inner pain. The world is desolate and cold when there is nothing in it greater than your own need.
Fighting challenges
Growing up means doing things that are not easy. Without challenges, our lives are reduced to a safe but unsatisfactory routine. Challenges come in all shapes and sizes. Those who help us the most lead us to face our fears, overcome them and expand the boundaries of our existence. Vampires are sometimes better at this than we are. In addition to being big troublemakers, emotional vampires are also artists, heroes and leaders. Because of their immaturity, they are able to do many things that we cannot. The forces of darkness are always lurking on the edges of creativity and great endeavors. A world without vampires would be less stressful, but deadly boring.
To successfully fight vampires, we must apply new thoughts and take unusual moves. They can be frightening at times, but facing fear is one of those challenges that help us mature.
Why do people become emotional vampires?
Just as some recent stories about real vampires attribute their fragile state to a virus that is transmitted through blood, there are many theories about personality disorders that affect their emotional relatives. Some of the most popular currently involve a disorder of the relationship of chemical substances in the brain, trauma at an early age or the long-term harmful effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Forget those theories. They will hurt you more than they will help you in your efforts to understand vampires. There are two reasons for this. First, understanding the cause of a problem is not the same as solving it. Second, emotional vampires already see themselves as innocent victims of forces beyond their influence. If you see them that way, their past can distract you from your and their choices in the present.
Immaturity versus evil
Emotional vampires are not essentially evil, but their immaturity allows them to function without thinking about whether their actions are good or bad. They see other people only as potential sources of what they need at that moment, and not as separate individuals with their own needs and feelings. Rather than say that they are evil in themselves, we can say that the distorted perception of emotional vampires is an open door through which evil enters very easily.
Understanding the immaturity of emotional vampires is your most important weapon. Many of their most ruthless actions would seem perfectly understandable if I did them as a two-year-old. Don’t be fooled by the chronological age or responsible position of the vampire. They are two year olds, at least in their typical behavior. The most successful strategies to help you deal with emotional vampires are the ones you would apply to young children – setting clear boundaries, creating appropriate conditional circumstances, consistency, as little preaching as possible, rewarding positive behavior and ignoring bad and occasional communication interruptions.
You probably already know these techniques, but you may not have known that they can be applied to adults as well. Or you may have thought that you should not use them with adults. You should, at least if you want to stop them from drinking your blood. Contact with vampires is tiring enough anyway. There is no point in neglecting effective strategies just because you think they are aimed exclusively at children.
Humanity is born with understanding. When you reach this stage of development, you will be able to stand up for yourself and prevent harmful influences on you!
I hope you enjoyed the content on how to say no and about emotional vampires?
If you have any questions or suggestions, please leave them in the comments!
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