Do you often feel that you need everything to be perfect in order to be satisfied? Is accepting flaws and failures, both yours and others, impossible? Do you feel that everything has to be perfect in order to be happy, and nothing you do is good enough? If you answered “Yes” to one or all of these questions, you are, by all accounts, a perfectionist.
Now you ask yourself, “What is so wrong with perfectionism?” Being perfect is impossible. Nobody is perfect. If you always try to be perfect but never succeed, you are at risk of a large number of diseases such as depression, anxiety or eating disorders. Relationships fail when you expect your partner to be perfect, a career or an exciting new hobby will never flourish if you always expect only success, and life will always disappoint you. Also, you miss the opportunity to learn from your mistakes.
Unrealistic expectations form the core of perfectionism.
When our expectations are not met, we become angry. This happens in both high and low expectations. You plan the perfect day and then find out that you can’t book a table in your favorite restaurant, so your perfect day is ruined. You may even go back to bed right away.
In relationships, unfulfilled expectations can take many forms, most of which are unrealistic. For example, you might expect your partner to know what you need even if you don’t tell him. Or you may expect your child, a teenager, to negotiate with you and respect those agreements. That, however, is not the way people function. Your partner can’t read your mind, and teenagers are busy with countless other things and may forget what you agreed on.
Perfectionists think they have to be perfect, and when they aren’t, they get angry. They also expect other people to be perfect – and get angry or impatient when they realize that other people aren’t perfect either.
Perfectionism can lead us to unrealistic goals and expectations, and it also leads to procrastination or excessive postponement of obligations.
For example, “I would like to write a novel” is a fantastic goal, while “I have to finish writing a novel by the end of this year” is a perfectionist goal. Perfectionists set themselves goals so high that they probably won’t even be achieved (writing a novel can take years!), And they automatically see themselves as unsuccessful. This can lead to depression, anxiety, self-loathing, and many other problems. As I mentioned, perfectionism can also lead to procrastination. When you need to be perfect, and you are afraid that you are not, you will not start new projects if you are afraid that you will not succeed in them.
Perfectionism is in most cases passed from parents to children. If your parents demand clean fives from you and don’t notice all the effort you put into getting a four, you may start to think it doesn’t make sense to even try because, whatever you do, it won’t be good enough. In addition, if your parents ask you for all your fives and you get them because learning is not difficult for you, you can start thinking that everything in life will be easy for you.
When you are exclusively focused on doing everything right and judging yourself if you fail to do so, you miss the opportunity to gain the wisdom that comes from studying the reasons why you made the mistakes you made.
Perfectionists are often tormented by their mistakes and allow those mistakes to define them. But mistakes are good! If we never sinned, we would never learn anything. When you accept that you are not perfect, you can overcome the emotional distress caused by constantly thinking about all the mistakes. Instead, you can investigate your mistakes and learn important lessons from them.
The solution against perfectionism is self-forgiveness!
To forgive yourself, you must renounce perfectionism and adopt different beliefs about yourself – that the purpose of life is learning, and that true perfection lies in constantly striving to improve ourselves – not to avoid mistakes. We can’t be perfect, but we can always try to be great. When we strive for perfection, all we see are flaws.
Hating yourself or judging yourself for imperfections does not help. If you do not work on your own feelings and do not try to forgive yourself, you will remain trapped in your own anger, shame, guilt, sadness, and other negative thoughts and feelings. Self-forgiveness is a tool, not only for overcoming anger but also for all other unpleasant emotions.
The change from perfectionism to self-forgiving thinking may require some lifestyle changes. When you become frustrated with your partner, child, friend, etc. because they haven’t kept a promise or because they haven’t met your every need, you should remember that they’re not perfect either, just like you aren’t, and that’s okay. As you practice self-forgiveness, practice practicing forgiving others.
How would you like the idea that you can make a change with just a few clicks? Social networks make it much more accessible for you to compare yourself to others, and when you do, you probably won’t like the outcome. If it’s not enough to remind yourself that the photos of happy families on wonderful vacations you see on the Internet are superficial and that they do not reveal the real truth about other people’s lives, start thinking about deleting your account or at least a break from using social networks.
The only person you need to compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday and would like to be tomorrow.
I hope you liked the content about perfectionism?
If you have any questions or suggestions, please leave them in the comments!
For more motivational stories, you can visit https://motivationbymarco.com/